If you answer yes to any of the questions below, then calculate the relevant scores for all questions you answer yes for to get your heart attack risk score.
- Have you had sex in the past 24 hours? (3 points)
- Have you had sex outdoors under the hot sun in the past 24 hours? (5 points)
- Have you drunk ice-cold water in the past 24 hours? (2 points)
- Is the temperature over 25 degrees today? (1 point)
- Have you had a nap today? (2 points)
- Did you listen to loud music today? (3 points)
- Did you get good news today? (3 points)
- Did you pass a university exam today? (5 points)
- Did you get bad news today? (2 points)
- Did you laugh today? (1 point)
- Did you fart today? (4 points)
- Did you have sex in the hot sun, with loud music pumping to celebrate good news, followed by a large ice-cold drink and a nap? (Do not continue the test, do not pass go, go straight to your nearest emergency department, you have had a heart attack.)
1 point or more: You may die suddenly from a heart attack or cardiac arrest. Cease all dangerous activities immediately and put on your local news station for advice on how to live in this dangerous world.
3 points or more: Your risk of dying suddenly is significant, please proceed to your closest Covid vaccination clinic and get another booster.
20 points or more: We do not understand how you are still alive, please report to a morgue immediately.
Advisory: According to the World Economic Forum, Bill Gates, NATO, Vanguard, Blackrock, Rockefeller Foundation and other global elites, there is no evidence that vaccines cause heart attacks or sudden deaths. This is a conspiracy made up by the thousands of family members of deceased people who died suddenly after practising dangerous and deadly practices such as drinking cold water, napping or having sex.
Disclaimer: This post is a satire post only, this is not health advice, always consult a medical professional for all health advice.